Ask Sara: To Commit Or Not To Commit?

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA
I’ve been dating this guy for the past two years, and things are really great. However, I’ve had this feeling that over the holiday, or very soon, he is going to ask me to marry him. I really like him, but I’m not ready to marry anyone, even him. If I say no, I’m certain that will be the end of our relationship, which I don’t want to have happen. Is there a way I can softly let him know that I’m not ready for that kind of a commitment before he gets down on bended knee and there’s no turning back?
Slow and Steady

SARA SAYS
Dear Slow and Steady,
It’s hard to believe that two people who profess to be in love are so far apart in their aspirations. Start, during casual conversations or more intimate moments, to begin sharing your hopes and dreams for the future. Tell him there are things you need to do, experiences you want to have, before you’re interested in getting married or having children. Perhaps it’s a trip to Kathmandu or a summer studying art history in Florence. Make it clear however that one of your dreams includes having him as your boyfriend. A man who really loves you will never ask you to give up your dreams for him. On the other hand you shouldn’t expect him to postpone his dreams of marriage, home and family, indefinitely.
Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday.

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Ask Sara: Desk Top Politics

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA
My supervisor wants me to be on a friendly basis with everyone so that she can then pump me for information on other employees. How can I maintain my integrity and hang onto my job?
Eye Spy

SARA SAYS
My dear Eye Spy,
Don’t get sucked into the downward spiral of crass office politics. Obviously she sees you as Miss Congeniality and trusts that your natural friendliness will prompt colleagues to confide in you. Let that be the case, but why betray them? You have to be truthful to your self, but when she asks the subject of your chat with a co-worker, say you were exchanging a recipe. Feed her boring information until she gives up on you. But don’t drop your guard. You’re being naïve if you think you’ve been singled out to spy for her. Look over your shoulder. As you were writing this note to me someone may have been spying on you.

Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.comand watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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Ask Sara: Mending a Strained Relationship

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA
After my husband and I separated, my relationship with my 23-year-old daughter became very strange. I know it’s related to my leaving her father. While she and I live in the same city, we never see each other and barely speak. Occasionally I write her letters, but I’m wondering if this is only exacerbating the situation. Any advice?
Distressed

SARA SAYS
My dear Distressed,
Your daughter is punishing you for some real or imagined injury and has slammed the door in your face. If you bolt the door, there may never be a reconciliation. Still, the more you try to see her, the more she’ll dig in her heels. Ask nothing. Just keep sending her cards on birthdays and holidays, and sign them with love. One day, hopefully within your lifetime, she’ll want her mom, and you will have left the door ajar.

Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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Ask Sara: Seeking Soulmate

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA

I’ve been dating a guy for a few months. After a couple of dates, in a martini-induced haze, I blurted out that I loved him and that he was my soulmate. Oops! I spoke too soon. I told him last night that I was mistaken, and that while I liked him, I didn’t think he was my true soul mate. He told me that there’s no such thing as a soulmate and I’m expecting too much. He still wants to date, but I’m not sure. Should I listen to his cynical remarks or is there really a soulmate out there for me?
Seeking

SARA SAYS

My dear Seeking,
Cool it! Give this guy time and lots of space. And if you promise never to drink too many martinis again, I’ll let you in on a secret. A soulmate is not someone who can be found. A soulmate is not lost out there, wandering around looking for a mate as if he or she were a mislaid glove. It takes years of nurturing a relationship, of weathering adversity, of achieving small victories, of sharing moments of intense joy. One day you will look into your partners eyes and know that you are soulmates. Meanwhile, humour his cynicism, stick to wine spritzers and keep dating this guy. He has potential.
Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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Ask Sara: How Do I Introduce My “Secret” Lover?

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA

My boyfriend doesn’t know I have a dildo. I’m afraid he’ll freak out and feel threatened. The longer I keep it a secret, the weirder I feel, it’s like I’m having an affair with my dildo. Help.
Secret lover

SARA SAYS

My dear Secret Lover,
Be bold, you saucy pussy cat. Introduce your boy-toy as an amusement that can be mutually enjoyed. But be sensitive to the fragile male ego. Make sure the dildo that you share with your stud muffin isn’t “larger-than-life.” What you use on your own time however, is your business.
Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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Ask Sara: The Axe is About to Drop

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA

I received an internal memo from my boss that was intended for her boss. In the note she indicated that a co-worker, who is also my friend, is about to be fired. Should I let my pal know the axe is about to drop?
Mulling over Mixup

SARA SAYS

My dear Mulling,
Do the right thing. As for the privileged information you inadvertently received, erase it from your memoryscape, and anonymously redirect the memo to the intended recipient. By telling your colleague, you could be violating internal company procedure. Have you considered that you are being tested? If she sues, you might wind up testifying in a wrongful dismissal case. And, stranger things have happened, what if the powers that be change their minds? To compound being a tattletale, you could lose a friend. It’s human nature to shoot the messenger. Actually, it’s none of your business. Resist the urge, because despite your good intentions, you could create a mess that could also cost you your job. She will know soon enough, and as a friend, you will be there with a shoulder to cry on.
Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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Ask Sara: How Can I Get My Man To…?

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA

My boyfriend hates giving oral sex, but I have a difficult time reaching an orgasm during intercourse. We’ve been together for almost a year now. Should I just let this go?
Unfulfilled

SARA SAYS

My dear Unfulfilled,
Trust me. Just take these three easy steps. First, call the best Spa in town and make an appointment for a Brazilian. Second, soak in an aromatherapy tub. Third, entice your man into bed. Think feline, and don’t be surprised if he’s swept away in a sea of passion. On the other hand, you may not get to him that way. Try some earthy sex chat. Use your imagination to its ‘enth degree. The last resort, have a serious talk about “you Tarzan, me Jane,” and find out what is at the core of this. Be honest.
Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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Ask Sara: What’s Wrong With A Prolonged Fling?

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

DEAR SARA

I’ve been seeing this guy for three weeks. I keep telling him I’m just interested in a fling, but he says we’ve moved beyond the fling stage and he wants to date seriously. The sex is great. What’s wrong with having a prolonged fling?
Far Flung.

SARA SAYS

My dear Far Flung,
It sounds like this guy is one terrific sex machine, but you don’t want to take him home for Sunday dinner with the folks. You could of course fling your brains out until you’re bored with him, then tell him to take a hike. But can we go through life with no regard for other peoples feelings? Is this a crutch for you to avoid your own feelings? This kind of behaviour sticks to our shoes like gum and comes back to bite us in the tush. Cut him loose or think about taking the next step.
Would you like to ask Sara a question? Send your query to sara@dinemagazine.com and watch for “Ask Sara” every Sunday morning.

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